


No harm

by AngelTennant



Series: No harm [1]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Blood and Injury, F/F, Injury Recovery, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trans Catra (She-Ra), War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:34:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 20,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22482688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelTennant/pseuds/AngelTennant
Summary: While Horde Prime is planning his strategies to invade Etheria, Catra and Glimmer manage to escape the commander ship. However, Catra is badly injured during the escape. Glimmer brings her back to Bright Moon but the lack of magic makes it complicated to heal her. With the help of Entrapta, the princesses manage yet to make a life-support machine to heal Catra.
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra)
Series: No harm [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1632370
Comments: 11
Kudos: 79





	1. Awake and Alive

**Author's Note:**

> After binge-watching She-Ra, writing a Catra-centred fanfiction sounded like the obvious thing to do. However, I have not written fanfiction for a while, and very few of them are in English (which is not my native language so please forgive any weird phrasing or grammar mistakes). So I am a bit rusty on the edges.  
> On the matter of language, I learnt and use British English, and since the show is American, it can modify a little the tone.  
> Catra’s personality is quite far from mine, but I guess this is how you fall in love with a character. I used the first-person POV as well out of inspiration as it was definitely safer to avoid OOC. I guess I am not perfect on this matter.  
> I hesitated into using drama-like editing for the dialogues, because I am a big reader of written plays and I guess it must show in my "theatrical" dialogues.  
> For Catra’s prothesis, people who know about it will clearly recognise the influence of Full Metal Alchemist. Of course this fiction is centred around her redemption (something I guess every She-Ra fan is wishing for deep down), but I my point was to put Catra in the worst situation possible for her: unable to make her body (her main weapon) work to her will, and saved by the very people she hates and do not want to owe anything to.
> 
> All my chapter titles are inspired by the title of songs. I create a playlist for every writing project, this one is named “Catra” and contains a lot of rock music and so one.  
> Here is the link of hte playlist if you are interested: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL5WtkWhxUt3l_qgka-F8iHbKA4WgGqn0a  
> (some music can be added over the course of my writing).

Screams. Light. The chubby hand of Sparkles grabbing a clawed palm. How stupid she was, this one. Priding herself in being a “good one” and not giving up the dead weight a wounded warrior was. My head like an explosion, my mind scattered around blurred lines. I do not know how but the pink chub did something to the sounds. The burning continues. A forest. Sparkles. Her voice: “we’re not far!”. Everything is peaceful around, I feel like I am a rip in the fabric of space and time. Sparkles. A room, familiar, but the name of the place is somewhere I cannot found, in a piece of my memories that was spilled with the lights. I fall down. A brief blink of darkness. Adora. Will I die? I fall down.

-

Waking up there feels like the end of a very long fight in a dream I cannot remember right. The first thing I see is darkness again, but of another type: it is outside and not inside. It is not darkness, but the lack of light. Slowly, I see little patches around, some red, two purple, a white one. Familiar light bulbs of some sort of machine that purrs in the background. Far away, a whole patch of the place is covered with what Sparkles called “stars”. I guess I am somewhere after all. A repetitive sound rises from somewhere on my right, like the beat of a sick robot’s heart. I try to feel my hands, my feet, my legs, my arms. They are as heavy as they used to be light, numb like sandbags. I remember vagues faces in a bright light, the purple girl with red eyes, Shadow Weaver’s mask, my throat burning and coughing and screaming around. I try to lift my head but I am paralysed. I want to scream but there is something around my mouth.

There is nothing so scary as being a prisoner of your own body when it is the weapon of your life. I panic and hear the sick robot come to life. It beeps like crazy, and finally a door opens and a hand switches on a blinding white light.

“Oh, she is awake, amazing! Good job Tiffany, I knew you would make it!”

This nasal voice and the naming of her helping machines. Entrapta. I hear a few beeps and things calm down. How did she… never mind. Things stopped making sense a long time ago, and I feel like trying to give them meaning is what made me end up here anyway. I see her wide almond-shaped eyes somewhere on the left. I want to punch her but nothing moves in me, and she keeps blabbering around.

“It is the first time I have to create a medical machine, you know, Catra? First I thought Adora could heal you, but she said she can’t do it anymore, the sword is broken, she cannot access her powers and all that.”

I try at least to release myself from a breathing tube I slowly became aware of that is shoved through my throat and burns in my mouth. She ignores me completely and continues:

“It was a challenge to stabilise the numbers of an organic body like yourself but thanks to the magnificent Shadow Weaver who fuelled a little bit of her magic energy in Tiffany’s, it worked so. Much. Better. And now you are awake!”

“Entrapta, come on, calm down my dear” I hear this other, much more familiar voice sneer behind the door; thus my heart sinks when I see the dreadful mask of Shadow Weaver.

“Leave our sweet kitty some air” she adds, with a tone that cannot be anything but irony given the fact that I am struggling against this tubular gag. Would any of these mush-heads think of releasing me? Obviously no: Entrapta is too senseless and Shadow Weaver too cruel.

“Guys, is she awake? Catra, are you awake?”

A third voice, a head followed by a body through the door. The sorceress and the loony step aside to let her pass. She heads straight for me and immediately notices the problem. With the quick gesture of someone who did that quite often for the last few days, she grabs the tube and lifts it away. I gasp for some air and forgets for a minute the world around me. Air! Air! I never thought of being happy to swallow it again, until her blue eyes meet my gaze. She frowns and I retract in myself.

“Oh. Hi.”

It all comes back. Is this what they call guilt? The Horde, the spaceship, Hordak, Glimmer, Horde Prime, the days spent struggling with my words to win some time for what? Ending up stuck here in a bed harmless with Adora on my side petting me like a child, and two of my dearest traitors saving me with their wretched science, Shadow Weaver and Entrapta. The latter adds up to my misery by an intervention filled with all the sense of _a_ _propos_ she is capable of:

“I am so glad you are awake!I was anxious to see my machine work on live action! I used the best of the technology that we had here to fix you all over. I even managed to put a piece of First Ones tech in you heart! It was very complicated to adjust everything to your organic parts, they are awfully slow to heal. Adora said that we should stick to simply rescue whatever was salvageable, but I still think a cannon-ball are is a good id...”

“Please” Adora interrupts her with a calm voice. “Maybe she does not need to know everything at once...”

I feel sick in my stomach, try to lift my head and fall down.My body not responding was unsettling at the beginning, but now it raises alarm. Most of it is covered with a white sheet; it thus hidden, my imagination goes wild. I am on the edge of breaking down. Adora tries to stop me. I want her off me, I do not want anyone to touch me right now, but my right limbs and left legare quite numb and I just feel nothing in my left arm. Her lack of emotion is enraging.

“No, please, calm down, don’t panic.”

“What… what...”

The words are incredibly hard for my sore mouth. I hear the robot’s heartbeat get mad. I turn my head to the left to get off her and I notice a heap of machines with several threads that disappear under the blanket. I finally catch a fold of the cloth in my weak fingers and pull to see where these connections lead. I feel her hand suddenly on the other side catching the sheet but it is too late.

On my left there is no arm.

No arm. Just my shoulder, covered with iron,, and a round empty hole vomiting wires where… The world is spinning around. What else did I lose? What happened to me? My body…

I almost pass out but her voice fishes me out of the dark. I blink slowly, and things become a little less blurred again. I notice her face, the purple that underlines her eyes, the wrinkles on her cheeks. Her hair in loose and untidy. She looks older, but in the heart.

“Please, Catra, calm down.”

“What happened...”

“You saved me” answers Glimmer, who came in I do not know how.

There is suddenly too many people in this room. I want them to leave, all of them. Or maybe not Adora. But my heart tells me to endure it because the will to know is stronger than my fear.

“We stayed for days with Horde Prime. He kept me in my room most of the time, but you and him used to talk for hours. I did not understand what you were doing at first, I guess you were gathering information now”

I vaguely remember that. It seems so frivolous compared to the fact I nearly died. What… information? Maybe. Something like that.

“One day, you came in my room, looking all beaten-up and breathing like you had run for some time. You were speaking quite fast, I did not understand anything. You told me I’d better fine a way for us to leave soon or it would be the trouble of our life for both of us. I answered my powers were lost, and then…”

And then, I remember.

* * *

_I stood here, dumbfounded, in front of Sparkles. Of course she had lost her powers. She would have left much earlier if she had them, as I understand now._

“ _Raaah!”_

_What should I do? How could I escape? What should I do with her?_

_Why did I escape?_

_This I cannot recollect now. All I have is this stupid idea: Horde Prime’s vessel is way too big to land itself. I had been seeing them: little bottle caps fusing through the night, heading towards Etheria. None came back. I wondered how it feels to be inside one of these flying boxes._

_I guess I do know now._

* * *

“While we were up there, they shot us with some lasers that went right through the capsule. I teleported alone, like instinct. You were not so lucky.”

Of course. The good guys, not good enough to care or to try. She would not have tried to save me if it meant risking a single of her pink hairs. A wave of hatred flows so hard in my eyes she moves a step away. I guess she is not so proud of herself after all. I truly hope Adora and her had delightful discussions about this cowardice of hers.

“What… what are the...”

Stupid throat, unable to tell them all I wish I could tell right now. How I despise them for their hypocrite caring. How I want my left arm to be back.

“A laser shot directly through your shoulder. It burnt your left arm, damaged your chest, and part of your heart. Several of your bones were broken. Your head must have hit something, because we also found some cuts on your skull and neck.”

“I short, you’re lucky to be alive, kitten” purrs a voice in the back. I almost had forgotten the presence of her owner’s.

“You...”

She obviously enjoys herself now. They all do: Entrapta experiments with a fresh guinea pig and I am lucky I did not explode yet; Adora pampers herself in her savior’s complex and Shadow Weaver just knows how my anger to see her makes me rot from the inside as I cannot get it out right now.

“Maybe we should leave her some space.” Glimmer says when she sees me blinking with tiredness.

I never had hoped for it but Sparkles has a point. Go before I find enough strengh to snap at all your self-satisfied faces.

Well, that is, after I take a nap.


	2. Not gonna die

_In a wide green room, bathed with a chilling light, footsteps resonate across the long metallic floor. I shiver. I am tired of pulling a show, pretending of being very aware of what I do when all I feel is complete panic. The truth is I am tired of looking for Horde Prime's flaws. Days have passed without being able to catch any crack on the surface of this white china face; and the pile of lies threatens to fall down every time I invent something to answer is restless questions about Etheria._

_I used to love it, I believe, but on the ground, with a bottom of truth and a way out._

* * *

I wake up gasping for some air, until I recollect my thoughts and understand the tube is gone now. It does not mean I am in much of a better shape. Avoiding any eye contact with my left side, I try to at least move my right arm, maybe even stand on it to sit a little higher in the bed. I have no strength and mess with the wires, the sheets, everything. The pillows feel weird against my head and my body. I try to at least lift my arm, my wrist, my hand maybe, but freeze when I hear some moves on my side. A huge shape appears and clumsily switches the light on.

"My, wildcat, what's this mess?"

Great. More guilt. Just what I needed. Scorpia leans her sweet face and goofy arms towards me. She looks tired as well. Her bangs had grown longer and laid in her face, looking more rebellious. She hugs me and sits me properly.

"Is this what you want, wildcat?"

I nod, to strained yet to speak, especially to her. Why does she need to be so nice all the time? After all I did to her? Oh, but I remember, she left me as well… I do not know why, but it does not help me appeasing the knots. And I just hate the look half-pitiful, half-uneasy everyone gives me when they visit me.

"Better now? I hope so. You are right, I also need to move around from time to time, otherwise I get sore limbs, hehe..."

Talkative as always. It is a bit annoying, and very comforting. I feel the urgent need to lean my head on her shoulder.

"Oh. Okay, wildcat, as you wish. Come here, hem… There there."

"Scorpia?"

"Yes, wildcat?"

"Please tell me… tell me what they did to me."

"..."

"Please."

I need to know what that crazy scientist did when she played doctor with me. What they turned me in. And I know Scorpia, I know she is too wholesome to lie to me.

"I do not know everything. When I saw you in Glimmer's arms, you were barely alive… Everyone was panicking. There was a lot of mess, screams that were all "Adora, give me this!" and "Entrapta! Let me through!". The magic was gone, there was not much to be done, but they stood all night doing everything they could, I think. I tried to come in mid work, and it was terrible. The wires, the tubes, the plate on your shoulder… awful. When I came in, they needed to cut off your hair to access the wounds of your skull and neck. There were blood-covered locks all around and…"

"Scorpia, please, I am not sure I want to know more."

I should have had foreseen it. The monster they see in me, that is what I turned into. I want to scream but I just whine. What was I thinking? In the Horde, healing is a gruesome process and you need to hide so to avoid anyone seeing you as weak. How could I have let myself be so delusional?

"I wanted you to know" says my Horde princess "That I am so sorry. I did not mean to say what I said when I left. I hope you do not mind to much..."

"Scorpia, could you please shut up?!"

She raises her eyebrows at me. How can I always say things I immediately regret afterwards? The little light that was on her face when she talked instantly shuts down.

"Sorry wildcat. I will leave" she says abruptly.

She rises and slams the door.

I burst up in tears. Every time, everywhere, ever when Hordak had banished me in the Crimson Waste, even in the deepest ends of the Crystal Castle, I could always count on my claws, my strength, my ability to fight. Here, I felt powerless and trapped. How would I manage my way out of this one?

For the first time in my life, I actually felt like I wanted to drop out.

* * *

" _Hey, who said you would follow me?"_

" _I dunno!" Sparkles answers way too loud "You are the one who came to me for a solution!"_

" _Raaah, fine! You can stay, but do not slow me down!"_

" _Nice and selfless as always, this one" she mumbled between her teeth._

_I ignore her and head for another corridor. From what I understood, we must not be too far from them: since they are vessels to exit, they are close to the exterior of the ship, as I can comprehend. And I saw them leaving from my room, so they are on this side.  
Suddenly, I hear footsteps behind me. I grab Sparkles by the jacket and hide behind the corner of a wall._

" _Hey!"_

" _Shut up! Someone's coming!" I whisper._

_I pray hard that no one has heard us. Two soldiers in uniform walk by. I overhear their conversation._

"… _I am quite impatient to see what is down there."_

" _Well, we will know soon, since Horde Prime is sending us."_

_Their dialogue seemed off, even artificial; but there was no time for us to ponder something like that. If they were heading where I think they were, we had to follow them, quick._

"… _I still wonder why he is only sending scout missions and not going himself. He seemed so curious about Etheria."_

" _I guess he takes no risks for himself"_

_Yeah, that was it; and me deceiving him would not last for long if he manages to scout the planet. Soon, he would not need me any more. And I would rather not let him have Glimmer's powers in his hands against me._

" _Let's follow them" I whisper. "And find a way to tag along uninvited."_

" _Are you crazy?" replies Glimmer with the loudest shout discretion allows._

_No, not crazy. Just a survivor._


	3. Comatose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I use the word "flutters" because of its sound resemblance to another much less polite word that Catra would use to qualify the Rebellion if we were in an adult show. Also a reference to the regretted Flutterina.   
> I sort of see Catra as being one of these "I am not like the other girls" type.

As I slowly emerges from the numb first days, the thing that strikes me most is the pain. Not the emotional suffering of their eyes avoiding mine when they come for short visits commanded by their guilt and morality rather than affection, of Adora ignoring me completely every time I try to directly speak to her. No, physical pain, the kind that takes over your bones and make you crawl down every time you try to do any thing remotely normal. It seems Entrapta has no clue that organic bodies are not like metallic ones, and no one cared enough to tell her that I was not one of her machines and needed pain killers. Oh, I guess if I asked, they would all act pitiful and give me some immediately. But I will not let them have the satisfaction of helping me out of kindness, so I shut up and suffer in silence.

No one speaks to me, even if I see in Sparkles' or Scorpia's eyes that they are not completely against it. My guess is that Adora asked them no to talk to me. I guess she is afraid the truth I tell in my words are going to make them question her leadership. It is fine, I do not have any intention to speak to them anyway.

It takes a while, but I manage to move my back and my right arm enough to sit a little in my bed. The iron armour that completes my left side is incredibly heavy, and still hard to look at. From what I heard Entrapta say, the First Ones tech she has put in it connects what is left of my insides to the machinery, which is built to be fully articulate like a natural chest. It is a complicated work, and she comes regularly to change the pieces and improve them. I know it is for the challenge rather than for the love of my persona, but I still feel a little relieved that someone just cares about what is happening to me, even in such an impersonal sort of way. And she does the talking, I just have to nod.

Except once, when I get a little better, and see Adora check on me with her fake impassible attitude, and I finally have the strengh to ask the question that is bothering me since the beginning of this circus:

"Hey Adora."

She turns around, but does not answer immediately.

"Why are you doing this?"

Still no answer. Is she deaf or what?

"Why are you guys putting so much effort in healing me? I used to be the villain, and you said you hate me."

"I don't hate you, Catra."

What? Is she not, after all I did to her? How can she still put this act after all we had together? She still wants to save me, that is all. Does she ever learn? How could I be friends with someone so dumb and so… good at the same time?

"Doesn't matter" I answer. "You shouldn't have."

I see her step back, all stiff and defensive, as if I was about to attack. She was still scared of me after all, even as a ship wreck with all its fire destroyed.

"You should have left me to die instead of putting me through this torture. But I guess you enjoy thinking saving me will win me by your side. Sorry Adora… not happening."

I can almost see the thoughts write themselves on her discomposed figure. _"What does she need, this one, to stop being the meanest cat? I already gave her a thousand opportunities to join my side! When will she understand that we are the good guys, the cool crew, the friendly ones?"._

Ooh, Adora, it takes so much more to forgive you left me for them. I do not care they are the good guys; I am better than all of them.

"You should be grateful they are healing you instead of spitting in their mouth."

Shadow Weaver. Of course the sorceress was listening; she is like glue to your feet, you never get rid of it. But I do not know how, I am not scared of her. I guess it is a consequence of losing everything.

"You can talk about being ungrateful. The Horde gave you everything and you betrayed at first opportunity."

"At least I came to the rebellion bearing gifts to earn their asylum. Something that is yet to be as for your concern, mean cat. It's not like you are able to do anything useful right now."

"Ffffffffffffff!"

So low from her to attack me on my infirmity. Plus, it's not like I asked Adora's club of flutters anything. They choose to help me and waste their efforts. Their problem, not mine.

Still, I wish I could do something more than eat and sleep. Even walking is a struggle: The metal prothesis is still heavy, and my freshly mended legs lost all ability to support more weight than a leaf.

And I know it sounds shallow, but to top it all I look like nothing. At the beginning I had only partial vision of what became of me, and as one can say, ignorance is bliss. But recently, when Scorpia led me in the bathroom to help me clean up a little, I saw myself and was put into even deeper misery.

Two twigs instead of legs, unable to support me so I am sat in a wheeled chair. Multiple cuts run like a web on my skin, and a severe burn on my right hip. The worst is the gruesome scar that goes like a quarter circle, from the top-left of my stomach to the right end of my neck. The thing beyond that line that is supposed to be my shoulder and my heart I cannot even describe. And there is no left arm: Entrapta is still working to built a limb that I can move right, but she has many more projects and it is only one among them. Connected to this messy assembly of metal by two long tubes, I have a life-support robot with small legs that follow me around, "Tiffany" as she calls it. To top it all, from my shoulder to my neck I can see a thin line of stitches that continues behind my head. I must have hit something sharp in my fall, that cut directly to the back of my skull. In their attempt to reach this wound, they completely wrecked my mane, and I look like a lion cub all ruffled by their mommy's cleansing.

Once I am dressed it does not look so bad. My unmatching eyes seem a bit lonely without my headpiece. It stands on a bed table next to my bed, broken in two by a blow that left the only mark on my face that attest of my downfall: a small crooked line at the top of my forehead, that emerges from my hair just to remind me of all this hell.

I waited for Scorpia to leave before screaming. I know they would hear me, but at least they would not see me breaking down.

* * *

" _I have a little surprise for you."_

_It was a soft and warm morning in the middle of a training. I was drinking a little in the bathroom before going back to beating some bots, and she appeared in the mirror._

" _Hey Adora."_

_She had her hand behind her back. I knew what it was but enjoyed her little secretive act of ceremony._

" _I heard you say your hair bothered you during the training. So I went to the forgery and Irony gave me a scrap piece of metal to arrange you something."_

_She pulled her hand out and gave me the most gorgeous headdress I have ever dreamed of. All of one piece, made in a light metal tinted in dark red, with the pointy horns shaped like cat's ears. I fell in love instantly, and put it on my head. I fits so well I had the impression it had always been part of me.  
With it, I just feel complete. _

* * *

When I pictured my future, I always saw myself at the top, bright with pride and power, finally recognised. On my right side, Adora. People cheering my strength, my cleverness, my charisma. Everyone around me would glow with admiration when I walk past, and I would put fear in the princesses' hearts. I clang to that dream, even though the characters were modified. Even when I was banished by Hordak, I still had the power of my claws and the strength to come back. I had the feet to step on them, the claws to strangle them, the fangs to bite their face. I would show them how better I was, and stand on top of them on a throne I would forge with my own will.

But how would I do it if I could not even stand?


	4. Running up that Hill

Scorpia seems like she is the only one who is still caring. At the beginning, I believe they took turns, but do not remember well; pain is like a drug that messes with the order of days, it contaminates everything and shuts down your brain until all you are is a burning scratch or a screaming wreck. You do not become crazy, you turn mad and lost in time. I saw the mark of a claw scratch on Scorpia’s pincer forearm but cannot remember giving it to her.

Of course I have already felt pain. I have already got hurt. The slaps in the face of Shadow Weaver. The knocks of the fight. The electric blow of a lightening staff.

This is different. It is like being shattered into pieces, or dropped into pure lava. It is asking your arm to move and it does not answer. It is lifting your foot and falling asleep from the effort. It is the impression of having your raw flesh being scratched when you just wash yourself. When it happens, I want to call her, but I remember that I am not allowed.

When I started to get better though, Scorpia is the only one who was still visiting outside of Entrapta’s eternal trials to build me a prothesis. She never spoke to me outside of bare necessities, but she did what I could not do and was not willing to try any more because I just wanted to let myself die. I remember her feeding me when I could not lift a spoon; washing me when I could not bend to clean anything myself; sitting me in a wheelchair and bringing me outside when all I had was the loud machine humming of this infirmary room.

I also remember being angry at her for it, and thankful at the same time, and unable to say it. Her care was like a stone dropping in the empty well of my heart. Its bumped against the wall, dropped in the muddy water at the bottom and failed completely to fill it; and all what I could hear were the echoes of its fall as evidence that it is empty.

Why can’t I enjoy what I get when I get it?

I would give anything to come back in the early days, any of them, even when it was all fight against Adora, even when I was banished by Hordak and stopped caring about everything. At least there were things not to care about. Now I feel like the world keeps spinning but I stay pinned here, forgotten but not forgiven.

Bright Moon is a pretty place, even if it pains me to admit it. I have received more care in the last few months than in my entire life, by people who had no reason to give it to me.

I still think it is cruel of them to maintain me alive. Their kindness is my retribution, and it hurts. I always wanted to be special, and they treat me like any of their own. I would rather have them fight and hit me for what I did, at least it would show they care, they see me as a threat or an obstacle, instead of being so… meaningless.

If only I had the power to do something, create a mess, make them react. I started talking by myself, just hoping someone will hear. That _she_ will hear.

“Why are you healing me anyway? You think I will thank you? Be glad? You are only doing this for yourselves.”

“You should have left me to die”

“It is your fault if I am in such a state. You left me to die. None of you came to fetch me. Even Sparkles teleported alone.”

Sometimes I even say them to Scorpia. I just want her to talk, but in these moments, she just ignores me and keeps going, or leaves.

I try to refuse her care. I spit my food in her face; she cleans me and keeps going. When I am a little stronger, I try to push her out; but she is still stronger than I am.

“Leave me alone! I don’t need you! I never liked you anyway!”

And she comes back the day after, and I never see Adora.

* * *

I try things to improve my strength. I use stripes of the sheets I tie to the bed frame to pull on and regain my muscles. I pedal with my legs while lying on my bed, and soon enough I manage to stand. I am still quite unbalanced at first, but I manage myself. I can carry my life-support robot around in the corridor, even if it feels like climbing a mountain and I get tired quite fast after it and need a nap. I can eat and drink by myself. I can rise from my bed unassisted. I can wash myself without Scorpia.

I am winning this fight. My hair slowly grows back. I eat solid food. I tried the first arm prothesis created by Entrapta. She finds a way to make my heart autonomous so I do not need Tiffany around. I breathe better. I have more energy. I can walk around.

All by myself, with no Adora.

* * *

_One night on Horde Prime’s I had a dream that still haunts me. I am kneeling in a wide bright room that is slowling turning black. The darkness is pulsing from where I am. Around me countless figures and colours, all making faces and dancing and jolting and being happy. It makes me angry but I cannot move anywhere. I am standing in a void and start to head down. I try to call the figures but they ignore me, I even try to grab them but none of them stay. I recognise with horror every person I have ever seen in the crowd, and they look at me and grin. It is time for revenge, and someone is going to give it to me. And I try to find a way out, to say I am sorry, but something is in my mouth, like sour sand that glues to my tongue. I feel pressed under a weight I cannot bear, and something is growing above me, a high and white shape that grows higher and higher. Her eyes glow and pierce through me as if they are able to see the weakest secrets of my heart and I just cannot fight. Her blond hair grows and glows and surrounds me like a forest._

_She rises a sword above her head, solemn as a statue of the First Ones and I bend my bare neck to offer her my life._

_The sword falls and I wake up breathless, holding my chest with my hands as if my heart is going to pump its way out._

_I do no know if I wish the dream were right._

* * *

One day, I am in the garden, in a quiet spot with trees and now one else around to give me a side eye, except, I guess, some guard. It is all right; I will let them think they can keep me in check. I try the arm Entrapta made me: I form a fist, get my claws in and out, punch a tree. It feels good to let my anger loose on something, to at least be able to do that, so I scratch the tree and tear it apart, and that is when I see her.

“Hey, Catra.”

She looks even more exhausted than the last times I saw her. She stills sports the same style, even if her ponytail is longer and her puff is flatter. I instinctively take a step behind.

“It is time you show up,” I answer, “after all this time leaving me in the dark.”

“Do not start, please.”

“Starting what?” I explode, “After Glim-Glim rescued me, you took care of me, and what a care! All alone with unknown crew, and sometimes Scorpia or Entrapta. No one talking to me, telling me anything. I was treated like a dysfunctional engine, but yet you didn’t even have enough pity to just let me die. You kept me alive in spite of everything I have done, I deserve to know why.”

“Because I did not want you to die...” she starts.

I am so over this cheesy speech of hers.

“I do not need you to save me, Adora! I need you to let me handle myself, and if I cannot do so, then just have mercy on me and let me die!”

“But I can’t...”

She is crying. Raaaah, I cannot stand her when she does that! She is supposed to be the strong one! I hate what they turned her into, these good guys.

“Why can’t you just let me be, Adora? What are you afraid of? Losing your _faire-valoir_? After all, you pride yourself enough in beating me every time! Or maybe you want to know if you can win me back after all this time? It would please your ego, right?”

“No!”

“Then why? What are you planning to use me on?”

I want to punch her, but she looks so beaten up already. I just need to push her a little bit more on the edge.

“Why rescuing me? To be a hero? You are not mine. So why?”

“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, THAT’S WHY!”

She is trembling with anger.

For the second time in my life, I look at her and I am scared.

“In spite of everything, I love you, Catra”.

This… was not what was supposed to happen. This was not supposed to touch me so hard, to actually _hurt_ me. I am strong, I am a warrior, a survivor, I went through the worse when she had it easy, I climbed my way up when she had wings to fly, I rose through the Horde with my claws after they gave her all on a plate.

“This… this is not true! You are lying! Leave me alone!”

Her words scratched me worst than all the falling capsules in the world, and wake up the guilt dragon in my stomach that have been sleeping so long it bursts everything when it wakes.

And I do not want to hear it, or see it, so for the first time since Horde Prime’s ship, I run, and I run far.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally, I wrote a much longer confrontation between Adora and Catra, with a speech made by Adora. But it seems to me most of the speech contains stuff that has already been said between the two protagonists, and even if it is always a pleasure to write emotional speeches with tragic tones, it was maybe too much, and it made more sense at this step of Catra's redemption to make her run away like that. I think one of the main keys of their relationship is that Catra hates herself, and therefore cannot feel the love from another person. Therefore having Adora saying it to her in such a blunt way could only cause denial.
> 
> Here is Adora's speech if you want to set your own opinion on the matter:
> 
> "All I always wanted was for us to be together, but you just have to ruin everything, do you? With your twisted jealousy and your paranoid schemes! How many times will I have to repeat it for you to understand it? I never abandoned you and I never saw you as my second best. You forced me to make a choice. You wanted me to prove I care about you by leaving my ideals for you. You lost your bet, Catra, and decided to torture me instead of living with it!  
> And yet, I still love you. Call me weak all you want, because I am when it comes to you. How many times have I been tempted to make the easy choice, just for the sake of you... And you had to twist the knife in the wound, didn’t you, by making me stand against you all these times! Do you have any idea of how painful it was to see you like that on the battlefield, knowing I would have to hit you? Hoping I would never have to fully stop you? Hoping one day you would see what you were doing, and come back to me, so I could finally protect you, so I could finally keep you safe…  
> Then one day it happens, the worse thing I ever dread: you, wounded on the battlefield, coming back to me in the arms of Glimmer. And I know you will never be on my side, that you will use the first opportunity to hurt me in any way, but I still do the only right thing I can do! All I can think about is how maybe if I had stayed, you would not have hurt so many people, and how choosing between the world and you made you try to destroy the world.  
> And all I know now is that I would rather see you alive even if it means you hate me and try to destroy everything, because I once had a taste of your death and I would rather save the world a thousand times than go through that ever again.”


	5. She-Ra

I do not know where or when I stop, I just do. She did not follow me though I am sure she could. She was right… she stopped caring long ago of what is happening to me. She said she loves me? What a lie.

I bump on something and get knocked down, face in the mud of the Whispering Woods, because my day could not get any worse, or would it. A shiny glass building stands in front of me, bringing the saddest memories. Crystal palace. Great, because I so much need a reminder that Adora is this magical superior being that will never go down my league. I grab a rock and throw it at the mirrored walls. Stupid castle and stupid sword and stupid first ones who stole my best friend and turned her into this stupid She-Ra. I throw another rock, and stumble to the glass windows and beat them and cry a little and feel more stupid than them all, when suddenly I hear a soft noise in the thickets.

“What is wrong, my dear?” I hear a high-pitched elderly voice say behind me. I turn around, yowl and arch my back.

In front of me stands the weirdest old lady I have ever seen with my own unpaired eyes. Very short and bendy, covered with the most ragged violet cloak, she looks at me with her kind wide insect eyes.

Another loony, as if I had not enough with Entrapta.

“Oh, at least you come, She-Ra. I have been waiting for you.”

Great. I am alone in the woods, I bump into the Crystal Castle and to top it all, the only soul who wants to talk to me is looking for She-Ra.

“What, I am not… never mind, I have no time for this.” I say and prepare to move on.

“What are you mumbling, my child?”

“I say leave me alone, old bat! I am not your She-Ra, and I will never be!”

She stares at me and blink with surprise.

“What nonsense are you saying, child? Of course you are She-Ra. I am a thousand years old, I can recognise a She-Ra when I see one.”

“Well you may need new glasses then! And I am not a child!”

I want to punch her too but I do not have the will to do anything like that anymore, and then, she just laughs.

“Oh, I see the mistake you are making, child. You think She-Ra is the sword.”

“Of course she is!” I explode. “What else could it be?”

She does not seem to hear me at all.

“This is what I tried to explain to Adora – no, I mean Mara. But she was so busy saving the world she could not listen to the tales of old Madam Razz. She-Ra is not a sword, the sword is only here to focus She-Ra.”

“Still, I mumble, even when I had it, the sword never turned me into She-Ra.”

“This is where you are wrong again, child. See, this is what I did not have the time to explain to Adora. She-Ra is not a person either, or a set of people. Of course, in every generation, there is one who can become the… very essence of She-Ra, and Adora is this person and she found the sword that helped her shape this power. But her and any other princesses, none of them is She-Ra, or, if you prefer, She-Ra is all of them, and you as well.”

“I don’t understand. I am not even a princess.”

“You do not need to be a princess to She-Ra. Adora was not either until she found the sword. Even in the Horde there is She-Ra. Even in men there is She-Ra. Because She-Ra...”

“…Is not a person, right?”

She smiles as if the whole world came back to life. 

“I see she is a bright mind, this one! Not only good at swooping a weapon and punching balls!”

In spite of all I blush a little with pride, but quickly come back to the state of astonishment I was before the compliment. I open my mouth to ask her more, since she very obviously knows what she is talking about, but she suddenly become all serious and grave.

“You were away from the She-Ra for so long. I sense it, my child. Some horrible things left their mark on you.”

Here we go again. Even the hermit in the forest knows I am a bad guy. No forgiveness for me or my kind. I came all this way and talked her all this long to understand what I already know I am: doomed. I guess all I have to do is to leave and never go back.

“… but I see some light in you.”

“… What?”

I turn back to her. She is looking at me in a way I never quite saw in someone’s eyes, or maybe a little in everyone’s. Not only affection, or pity, or pride, but one thing there is only one way I could describe: hope.

“When everything was over for you, you found the way to come back. And you did not even knew if you would be able to walk, but you tried, because you never let go.”

“There is good in you, I see light in your darkness, blah blah blah. Skip the background, I am no princess, I do not care about magic or glittery relics of the First Ones” I reply with a sour voice.

“You are no princess, that is right...”

“Then it’s all I need to know. Thanks for the prompt speech though.”

“… but to save the world, there is no need to be one.”

Yet I am done with the philosophy scrapping monk giving self-esteem advice. The whole “you can be whatever you want if you wish hard enough” is for goofers that walk in the Rebellion thinking they have a chance with arrows and guns and bath bombs. I live in a world where people with so much more power than me tend to regularly beat my face down. What would self-confidence have done against the laser that got me rid of my arm? One does not kill a tank with a small knife.

* * *

As I walk away from her, I can hear some noise getting closer that is loud, and ominous and mechanical and way too familiar.

Boom.

A lightning bolt crosses the sky. I feel some light fur brush my ankles, and see little shapes rush away in the opposite direction of the sound.

Boom.

The last one is closer, and casts light on a shape in the night that presses on me the gut impression of _déjà-vu_. A memory I do not want to come back.

Boom.

It is broken, all the bones of its engine body are exposed raw to the mist and the moons light. I climb it slowly, to see better what is on the other side.

Boom. Boom.

I reach the top, panting. The system that is running my heart is more autonomous but it stills needs to recharge. I finally arrive.

BOOM.

This is it. The sound. It is the sound of all my dreams, the fire that burnt me. It came back. For me. It is raining from the sky and strikes. And the landscapes screams, and cracks, and collapses. This is war.

BOOM.

At my feet lies the missing half of my headdress. It had stayed in the ship all this time. I bend to grab it in my new iron hand. How lonely and pathetic it looks now, all crooked and useless. Like me, I realise.

This is what they do to you, I also realise, and will keep doing if we do not stop them.

I need to warn the others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter originates from a will to make Razz and Catra meet. I wondered what she would have to say to Catra since she is not a Chosen One.   
> Sorry for the He-Man fans if my interpretation of the notion of She-Ra is a little bit different. 
> 
> I am deeply under the influence of existentialism, which structures my work and may brush against a tendency to determinism in fantasy shows. To me Adora and Catra represent the two sides of existentialism key concept: existence preceedes essence. For dedicated readers of Harry Potter, this may sound familiar: it is not what we are that determines us, but what we do with it. 
> 
> The first consequence of that affirmation: no matter where you come from, there is nothing written in stone and there is always a way for redemption if you try hard enough.   
> The second consequence: what matters is not your destiny, your past, and the data you cannot change about the situation. What defines who you are is what you do with this data. 
> 
> Catra's issue is that she is still locked in determinism: she is not a princess, she is not Chosen, she is not She-Ra, so she cannot be a hero; therefore, she will be the villain, because if she cannot be Chosen then no one will. My goal is to set her out of determinism.


	6. War Flag

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you have as much fun reading this chapters as I had writing it.   
> Little fact: I have a limp, and I guess the weight of Catra's prothesis makes her have one too. 
> 
> Do not hesitate to leave comments, so I can know how many of you guys are reading me.

**_Horde Prime’s ship, some time ago._ **

_I guess there is one thing I like about Sparkles: she is reckless. To bad she thinks after she acts._

“ _Let’s go!”_

_She runs in the corridor before I have time to say anything. The two Horde minions – I cannot believe I call them that now – open wide eyes as they see a huge pink ball of glitter knock one out. The other one ducks to avoid the same fate._

“ _The princess! She is set loose!”_

_She aims for him again as he screams but he is fast and run away, leaving us the ground. Glimmer laughs and looks at me._

“ _This was easier than I expected!”_

_I am more suspicious. He is a soldier. Why didn’t he fight? I have an ominous gut feeling of something bad._

“ _He left the airlock open. Let’s go inside.”_

_I have no idea how to fly this thing, but if it is of Horde conception, it cannot be this different from the vehicules I am used to ride._

_It is nothing like the vehicules I am used to ride. Where is Entrapta when I need her brain? And Glim-Glim is freaking out. She is a little claustrophobic I guess. Too used to all this extra space in her palace._

“ _Do you know how to fly this thing?”_

“ _No, but it cannot be very hard.”_

_I press a big red button, because it is always a big red button that does the job. The engine starts to hume._

“ _I really hope you know what you are doing!”_

“ _Shut up Sparkles!”_

_There are several levers and joysticks on the board. I try a few ones, nothing moves, but when I pull the last one, we hear the tune of the engine change._

Travel ship disengaged _, a masculine Horde Prime’s like voice informs us. All right, this one was scary, but I guess it is the only voice they have, given they are all… clones._

_The soldier. He is going to raise alarm about our escape. No time to understand how we can come back to Etheria, the emergency is to leave this place immediately._

“ _Sparkles, we need to leave. Fast.”  
“But I told you I can’t use my powers here are you stupid or wh…” _

_Suddenly, I feel the ship is moving._

“ _It is working! Ha!”_

Journey started _, says the voice._ Say your destination loud and clear to start autopilot.

“ _Etheria” I whisper, relieved._

Range of user not recognised.

“ _What? But I said… Etheria!”_

Range not recognised.

“ _Raaaaaaah_ _! Are you going to work, stupid engine? Can’t you understand a simple word or what?”_

_I would really need Entrapta. She is the expert in speaking to machines after all._

_Entrapta. I remember. Her robots… in Dryl. How we could not make them work. Of course. She was alone for thirty years, and she built them, so the only thing they were trained to recognise was… her voice. And since they all share the same voice…_

“ _Oh, my loony purple twig, even when you are not here your brainy blabber is genius!”_

_Sparkles open wide eyes at me as if I have lost my mind. I cough a little, tuning my voice to what I hope will be the best impersonation of Hordak, because if my theory is correct, it will literally save my life, sorry, our lives._

“ _Etheriaaa”._

Range recognised. Destination: Etheria, closest landing point.

“ _We did it, Sparkles!”_

_We both cheer and it immediately feels awkward._

“ _Don’t think this adventure makes us friends” I immediately add. “Because it’s not. Once on the ground, it is each their own, understand?”_

“ _Nice as always” she groans._

_There is a very small window on a side of this bottlecap ship. Through it, we can see Horde Prime’s mother ship grow smaller as we go by. It is surrounded by hundreds of other ships that send shivers down my spine._

“ _You have seen it as well” Glim-Glim says when I returned to the command board._

“ _Yeah. Let’s not think about that for now.”_

“ _For once, I agree”._

_The journey is shorter than I expected, but every second is a century when you are scared. We see Etheria grow larger in the radar as we are going. I close my eyes. Flying this thing is the scariest thing I have done ever, and I will be relieved when I put my feet on the ground. But we have not entered the atmosphere yet that I feel a bump that shakes the whole vessel, with a light through the window._

“ _What was that?” shouts Sparkles._

_Another stronger jolt his us, and some alarm inside the cockpit horns like mad._

“ _We are being shot at!” I exclaim._

_I grab some lever in a desperate attempt to manually dodge the laser rain._

Starting manual driving, _says the Horde Prime’s computer voice, which sounds so ironic here I want to cry out of stress._

“ _Do something!” screams Sparkles._

“ _I AM TRYING-”_

_BOOM._

_For a minute, I cannot see anything. When I open my eyes again, I can see from the light that we have entered Etheria’s atmosphere, but the engine stopped responding. They’ve hit us hard, and worst of all, they do not plan to stop there._

“ _They’ve followed us through the atmosphere! Sparkles!”_

_No answer. With the engine broken, gravity takes over, and I am falling at top speed. This is it. We are going to crash, and I see my life flash before my eyes. Sparkles is probably dead, or worse, she finally found a way to teleport and left me. I see another ship above us. It opens its window, and a soldier appears._

_I would recognise this face among every other clone, seeing them on a daily basis since I arrived on Horde Prime. Hordak. He seems to see through me, as if I am no one. It all happens very fast. He lifts his laser cannon, aim at me. Excruciating pain, some pink glitter, and then dark._

_The pink glitter that makes me come back._

* * *

“I need to speak to the Queen of Bright Moon.”

A guard is blocking the way. So close, and yet so frustrating. I know I look bad. They all know me from before, and maybe most of them are not up to date to my current status (even I am not). Plus, I look worse than when I left Adora on the garden grounds. Covered in dust, panting, holding a mechanical arm I unplugged myself because it was consuming too much battery from my heart. They have every reason to bar me from entering, when I see the yellow archer in the corridor behind the gates. I try to call him.

“Hey! Hem…” I cannot remember his name. “Hey! Heart twink with arrows!”

He finally turns around.

“Catra?! What… where have you been? We have been looking for you!”

Is that true, because it does not look like it? Never mind. I am running out of time.

“I need to speak with Adora and Sparkles. It is an emergency. They are bombing the valley of Bright Moon.”

He stares at me, puzzled, and gives me the most unexpected answer.

“But… of course.”

My heart breaks. I came back, because I thought I could finally help, at least with a piece of information, and it just happens that they already know?

“ _We are fighting Horde Prime for quite a while now.”_

This voice. Not her again.

“Shadow Weaver.”

“Wrong. Just messing with you, it is always a piece of fun!”

And under my amazed eyes, my former tormentor turns into the most gorgeous and twisted reptile Etheria ever gave birth to.

“You need to update yourself, kitten” she purrs. “Horde Prime has been attacking since a few days after your arrival. We are doing our best to fight him, but without enough magic it sounds complicated, from what I could grasp. The science princess improved the Rebels’ tech, but it is still tight.”

“I thought you were in only for the money,” I shrug, “And that you always choose the winning side. Your words.” She laughs again.

“I figured from the description of the Queen that Horde Prime is not really my type. There is no room for queer spying reptiles in his peace and order. And since you are here, I guess there is no room for angry kittens as well.”

Touché. There is no room for me here either, though.

“By the way” she whispers “I heard a poofy-heared princess is looking for you after her favourite kitten dodged her on the field. I wonder what you did to her… hmm hmm?”

I pull my tongue to her. As if I am going to tell her! I missed her though. She laughs heartily again.

“I see you are perked up again. It was sad to see you all depressed in your hospital bed, all the _Leave me die_ act and _Look at me I am disabled_. You are worth better than this.”

“Does not sound like what you said last time.” I answer with a half-smile. And twisting the knife in the wounds by imitating Shadow Weaver is not helping either, but I do not add that.

“You needed a prompt speech.”

“Oh because it worked. So. Well.”

“You are welcome, kitten.”

She curtsies exaggeratingly and leaves the stage. Bow has left, but a guard nicely offers to guide me in the castle to the concil room.

“They are waiting for you, your Highness”

“Oh please spare me the protocol, I am not in the mood. Let’s just see what the Bath Bombs and Rainbows Sisterhood wants from me after ghosting me all this time.”


	7. I don't care

The room is much more welcoming than I expected, if I put aside the few gasps among glitter gang to the right, one or two groans on the sparkly left and a frowning Glim-Glim The First of her name. It fuels me with confidence: at least I cannot disappoint them.

“Hi. Guess who’s back. Oh, hey Adora.”

I may have mentally added a “losers” somewhere in my sentence, but I made progress because it did not get out of my mouth – even though I might have thought it a bit loud, because the atmosphere is electric.

Before Glim-Glim can say a word, Adora raises an arm and announces:

“No worries. I called for her.”

She then adds on a much lower and worried tone:

“Come here, we will talk in private. If you could excuse us,” she adds.

I want to throw a teasing word for this but have no idea so I just follow her, curious to understand her mood swipes since we began this journey.

* * *

She leads me in a much smaller room, almost a cupboard by Bright Moon standards. I dread that she will bring up our previous conversation, and I am not feeling too good for another love confession.

“Where have you bloody been?” she begins.

“I’ll tell you if you are nice” I answer mysteriously. I love teasing her, but here the point is that there is really no time. “For now we are at war, and if we do not wrap this soon there will be no one left to tell stories anyway.”

She gives me an amazed glance.

“You are different.”

“… Maybe.”

The previous conversation seems to have been forgotten. Good. I definitely do not want to talk about feelings right now, and especially not mines.

I do not know how the information has travelled, but this is the moment some guard enters with the life-support bot. It was time; my heart is beating so slow I count. I quickly plug the wires and put the cape back over the junction between me and the robot to whom I owe my life. Adora makes a gesture to help me, but I stop her.

“I’m fine! Stop treating me like a child…”

“Okay! Fine!”

I take a livening breath as my heart and lungs get powered up. How quick was I to forget that now this was to be my life.

“So why did you call me for? You suddenly need me again, after all this time? What use can I have, after you kept me all this time in the dark?” I ask her.

“The other princesses were not sure whether we could trust you. Glimmer has been sending me a little on every front, I guess it was to keep me away from you,” she replies.

“Sure. The truth is, it does not matter. What’s changed?”

She sighs. She really seems like she had some hard time. If I had not myself spend weeks covered in bandages, in a bed, fighting for life, I would say she looks quite bad. This is what it takes to be a general, as I was with the Horde under Hordak. I honestly do not know which boss is more of a pain in the neck between him and Sparkles.

“… It all started yesterday. Horde Prime intensified his attacks. At first, he was only sending scouts, or a few squads. They seem to target mostly the Princesses capitals, and we more or less dealt with it.”

“He was gathering information on the planet. I know, he pressured me with questions that I had a hard time answering, and often with half-lies to win us some time.”

I hate remembering this part. The constant feeling of stress in my stomach… but telling her is easier than I expected. It just feels… natural. It just feels like our old conversations again, when we fantasized about taking over the world, and she was the leader and I was the adviser and I added a plot twist about me taking over and we ended up in a pillow fight. These were good times.

“What lies did you tell Horde Prime?”

“I told him that we can master the Heart of Etheria and use it against him if you guys were gathered. But if he wanted to master the weapon, he needed all the Princesses including you, so he did not kill Glimmer. She must have told you this part. This must be why he was so shy: He was afraid you would use the Heart of Etheria against him...”

“But then, Glimmer and you came back, so we had no reason to retain our power that he believed was in our hands. So he waited. He is immortal: he can do that. He keeps sending small squads, because they are expendable. And he waits, and you guys do not attack. So he finally understands that the Heart of Etheria is a lie, or not working, he sees an open ground, and he strikes.”

She delivers her speech in a tone I have never heard from her: not angry, not sad, not combative: just disappointed. The tone of someone who sits and waits for the defeat after everything has been tried. And as much as I love and hate her at the same time, seeing her like this raises a splitting anger in myself.

“HEY ADORA!”

I grab her by the shoulder and shake her with my valid arm. For a minute she squishes back and for and raise her eyebrows as if I suddenly turned mad, and them pushes me away with a gentle hand.

“What’s with the attitude, soldier?” I scream, “Are you giving up, Force Captain? Are you quitting the fight?”

“Well...”

I slap her in the face. She instinctively throws me away. I fall down, get mixed-up with my wires and struggle to stand up. She comes to help me getting back on my feet.

“NO! GO AWAY!”

“Catra, I am sorry...”

“Oh, spare me the tearful speech! I knew you became weak, but I would never have thought you would actually give up, for fuck’s sake!”

I finally land back on my feet. I can see she is crying, and if fuels my rage even more. She has everything! She is the leader, the hero, the good one! My crew hated me; but for her, people would blissfully die. All the people I believed in left me down; she got trusted by the Rebels the moment she stepped in. If someone is destined to win, she is. She cannot have an existential crisis right now.

“If even you give up” I continue, “then what is the point? I have seen it, Adora! You are their only hope. I have seen it every time I faced you. All of the Bath Bombs and Unicorns gang: they look up to you. And I have always envied you on this, because they love you in a way no one will ever love me. It was like this in the Horde, and it is the same in the Rebellion. And you will give them up because you do not believe in the cause any more? I forbid you, do you hear me? I forbid you to leave them like you left me!”

“O… okay.”

I do not know if my speech worked, but something changed in her face. A sparkle in her bright blue eyes.

“That’s better.”

I gently sweep a tear that is trickling on her cheek, and regret it immediately. Oh how I hate seeing her so sad and at the same time hate how it makes me soft, for as much as my heart is all iron by now, her face makes it melt like honey. I feel the urge of holding her, of kissing her. It is sweet and scary. I cough to brush away the thoughts.

“So where were we?” I say in an attempt to change subject. “Ah, right, yesterday, they started bombing, and you do not know what to do. You need strategy advice. I hope this is the reason you called for me, because I will not accept any other from you.”

“… Sure.”

Now, she sports the half smile that she has when she is making fun of me; and I know I am blushing but I cannot prevent it. If I only could see through this thick skull of hers, know her real thoughts! I know strategy is absolutely not the reason why she called for me, even if I cannot really figure out why she did it if she wanted to abandon ship. And no, I am overruling her stupid confession of love she made earlier. This is no ground for interrupting a war council.

“So are you going to give me the big picture for me to help, or what? You guys are losers on strategy, and if the Princesses were enough against me or Hordak, it’s gonna take more to defeat Horde Prime.”

“The other princesses do not trust you...”

“I don’t care! Do not let Sparkles First of her name be the boss of you, Adora! You are the best leader I have seen in my whole life, so go and tell them you need me on the board!”

She poorly smiles again.

“… Thank you.”

“Don’t. I am not doing this because I like you, okay?”

“… Sure.”

“Now come on, let’s go to the concil and find a way to kick Horde Prime out of Etheria.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, if Adora had her mind on letting go of the fight, why do you think she would decide to call for Catra after all the time leaving her side? For this question I have no answer. 
> 
> Also maybe some of you wonder about the "She-Ra" concept found in Chapter 5. Is it Solidarity? Love? Bravery? Magic? I do not know either. Hard to follow are the ways of Madam Razz.


	8. Strategy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must say I have quite some fun into inventing the surnames Catra gives to the Princesses crowd.

I must admit one thing which is I have never felt so embarrassed as when Adora introduced me to her new friends. Seeing their suspicious (at best) to frankly hateful (at worst) looks on my face was not the proudest moment of my life; but I had no time then to apologise.

I immediately mix up the names after she introduces them. I never took a good look to the crew she was set with, and did not expect so much diversity in the Peace and Cuddles gang, even though none of them really look like warriors except Scorpia.

“I still wonder why we brought her to the council” says Glim-Glim.

“Catra is the best strategist I know, she is the only one who talked thoroughly with Horde Prime, and she was able to inflict us defeats without magic, and she is my…” she looks at me, a little puzzled. “She is our ally, now.”

Oh, I love it when my Adora speaks with such an authoritative voice! I cannot help but pull my tongue to Her Majesty of Sparkles. She gives me a death glance in return.

“Well, I hope you are right.” she says. “What do you have to say then, cat?”

This is my moment, I know it. I take a good glance at the crowd.

“Well, I need to know what your best weapons and strengths are. What are our forces against Horde Prime?”

“Well” starts Princess Flora – I am not sure of the name – “We still have your powers, but they were made weaker by the Heart of Etheria.”

“And what is your power, Buttercup? Conjure plants?” I reply with a sneer. “This is going to be very efficient against an alien army of super-armed clones!”

Buttercup lowers her head as if she is about to cry. Adora interrupts me with an adult-like tone.

“Catra, please.”

“Please, Adora” I answer, “This is no time for cuddling yourselves. We need something sharp. From what I know of you, the only remotely useful Princess magic would be Scorpia’s. There is neither water nor plants in Horde Prime’s fleet, so Flower Power, Frost Bite and Grumpy Mermaid will be useless up there. And we cannot afford to fight them on Etheria. If we want to stand a chance, we must stop them before they set foot on the ground. And when I say Scorpia, it assumes her powers work in space. Because the Queen’s did not, and without her or Scorpia, you guys will not go far!”

“Hey!” Glimmer interrupts. “How dare you speak like that?”

“I only speak the truth, your Majesty.”

“I did not bring you here to be yelled at” she groans. “Or you have a solution, or you go back to where you come from.”

Silence drops, and I am on the edge of punching her face, even if it means being arrested my a thousand of her guards.

“We still have Entrapta’s tech,” Adora finally says in an attempt to come back to the subject.

“Yeah, made from scraps of First Ones,” I reply. “A couple of robots and laser guns. Nothing big enough to take a single of Horde Prime’s ship down, and there are thousands of them. Trust me, I saw them close.”

“But then, what do we have?” says the low-pitched slow voice of the Grumpy Mermaid who looks like the whole thing is either indifferent or epically boring to her eyes.

“This is not about what _we_ have” I answer, finally able to deliver my point, “It is about what _they_ have. We cannot use brute force to them, they are too strong. But we have something we do not have.”

“Love?” yaps Flower Power.

“Bravery!” screams the Frosty imp.

“Magic?” suggests Glimmer.

“No. We have the She-Ra,” I reply.

Another silence. They all look at me as if I have said the grossest thing ever.

“There is no She-Ra any more” Adora says. “The sword is broken. I tried to bring her back but…”

“I know, Adora. But Horde Prime does not know that, and we do not need him to know that. Even with an active She-Ra we did not stand a chance. But we can scare him by pretending we do.”

“This is the most stupid plan I have ever heard” Glimmer says.

“Because you have a better one?” I reply, deeply vexed.

“We cannot scare them forever. They will come back. This is only a short-term solution. And how do you plan pretending we have a power we don’t have?”

“For your first question, _your Majesty_ , you are right. But for the second… we have someone whose talent is to pretend and they do it very well. And if what Adora says is true, then they are the only one who can turn into She-Ra right now.”

* * *

Speaking at the council was more trying than I expected. When I walk out of there, I still feel some hostility and suspiciousness from most of the Princesses, but I catch an encouraging look from the small dark-haired one, and Scorpia joins me with a huge smile.

“You rocked it, wildcat!” she exclaims. “I was so sure you would finally change your mind about the Rebellion, and it’s for the best. With you, we are sure to win this fight!”

“Thank you, Scorpia.”

I try to put on a well-assured composure, but the truth is, I am tired. All I want know is to take a nap.

Adora is the last one to get out of the council room. She is deeply engaged in an animated discussion with the Queen. When her eyes land on me, I feel a jolt in my stomach and quickly look away. This is definitely not the moment to think about getting some rest in her arms. Definitely. Not.

Moreover, I need to do one last thing before I put on my sleep.

“Come on, Scorp’. I need to talk to Entrapta.”

“The Trio is back?!”

“Maybe.”

* * *

I find Entrapta crafting in her lab as she always do. Some things never change, and even though this one is the most dangerous scientist in the world surrounded by bots that could explode would one touch the wrong wire, I find it very comforting. I run my finger through her mane to signal my presence. She turns around, turn off her tool and lifts her mask.

“Catra! I have been waiting for you! Now I need to show you something I made for you. I could not give it to you before, because I was told you went outside. Did you find anything interesting in the Woods? You stayed there a long time.”

“How do you know I was in the Woods?”

“I’ve put a tracker in your removable arm of course!”

… And she did not care to tell me that she did, or to tell Adora who was looking for me that there was a mean to find me. Why am I not surprised by that. I roll my eyes. Entrapta ignores me and continues:

“Now, I have something truly amazing that will really improve your life. I just finished designing it. Oh, this is great, ha ha!”

She opens a drawer with her hair hands and reveals what looks like a complete arsenal. I do not know where to look; it seems like there is a thousand pieces, and everything shines bright and I do not know what they are.

“I have been thinking about the system in your chest. It was good while you were in an emergency, but I really improved the design. I made you something lighter and that needs much less recharge. You will be able to fight hard! Also, I designed you several prothesis depending of the need you will have. The one I gave you is completely obsolete now, it is way too limited. Could you please try them? Oh, this will be fun!”

Her joy makes me wanna cry. She is too precious for words. I feel guilty tricking her into helping the Horde. I think about how I could make it up to her while she makes me lie down on her working table and starts unscrewing the metal plates that keep my chest together.

“So, hem, Entrapta… I wanted to tell you… I am sorry.”

She does not reply, but she stops moving around halfway through detaching a piece.

“I am sorry that I sent you to Beast Island. And I am sorry that I used the portal against your advice. And I am sorry I told you your friends abandoned you to make you stay.”

“It’s okay, Catra.”

She resumes working. She did not quit her mask, but she has stopped blabbering and finishes working in silence. Finally, she puts the last nail with a solemn gesture, and says:

“You are my friend. This is what friends do.”

Well. This went so much better than I expected. I know she is an easy one, but still, with her I could see some possibility of being forgiven.

My chest feels so much lighter now, and it is not only because it was changed by Entrapta.

She then lifts her mask to reveal the brightest beam I have ever seen, and she adds:

“Plus, I really enjoyed being with you in the Horde, and making these prothesis is also extremely fun! Come on, get up and let’s see how it works!”

She hands me a shining prothesis made of a light-colored metal. It looks entirely articulate and very refined. I plug it in, and it instantly comes to my grasp.

“It is in the same steel you chest is made of. I tried to make it as close as possible to the real one, based on the strengh I imagine you had before the accident. I used the other one as a model. And… it has claws.”

She is right; and to my astonishement, I barely need to think about it to get them out. Five long claws made of a hard and dark metal with a slight dull reflection. I smile.

“Amazing, right?” says Entrapta. “But there are others, in case you change your mind.”

“I’m fine for now!”

To illustrate my word, I stretch and try some moves that the former shoulder and arm made stiff or impossible: bending down, curling in a ball, crouching, stretching. For the first time since a while ago, I feel truly alive.

“It seems like you are enjoying yourself, wildcat” says Scorpia.

“Haha, completely. This is wonderful! I almost cannot feel that it is not my real body,” I reply. “This is genius”.

“I know! I made you the best prothesis possible. It uses the same mechanics as Hordak’s when I repaired his armour, but improved the…”

“Hordak?” I interrupt.

His face in the battle ship that followed ours comes back in front of my eyes. How cruel is life for the man who deprived me of my body is also the man who gives it back. The Hordak who brought us in this war, and she still thinks about him?

I guess she can see I am angry because she steps back, but before I can say anything, Scorpia steps in the way:

“Let’s not quarrel over this, right? We just had a Fantastic Trio reunion! Isn’t it great?”

“Mmh.”

Still. Hordak. He is lucky I did not have the occasion to land my hands on him at Horde Prime’s. He is the one who has put us in this mess. If only I had known his intentions where to destroy Etheria, I would have delighted in the pleasure of dumping him on the spot much earlier. I guess he was right not to trust me with his portal plans.

Portal.

_A portal._

“Scorpia, I think I just had the idea of the century.”


	9. Phoenix Enterprise

“I already believed you were crazy then, but I am fully convinced now!”

“Hey! Watch your mouth, Sparkles, or I’ll shut yours!”

“Guys… could you please…”

The second war meeting has started a few moments ago, in the evening of the day after Entrapta gave me my new tech. I mostly slept and thought about the strategy, so I had little time to socialise with my new acquaintances. Not that I wanted to. I am yet not sure of what I would do with them if by miracle we win this.

The rest of the time was employed putting a final touch to my plan with Entrapta. I kept Scorpia in the loop because she was always there anyway, and surpisingly got along with Entrapta with whom she admitted having spent a lot of time when I was healing. I was somewhat glad these two got along, and quite jealous. But I guess I had it coming.

I carefully avoided Adora to be honest. Not that I did not want to see her. Not that I did either!

Oh, yes, I do want to see her. Every time I see her appear in a corridor, I have this urge to speak to her, to tell her anything just to attract her attention. But she is always with someone, mostly Heart twink and – ugh – Glitter.

It feels so wrong to love her, but so good also.   
What if I am not worth it? She said she loves me, but she is just idealising me. Others must have discouraged her to mate with a shrew like me. She will grow bored of me, as she already did.

I wish I could just hate her, or at least be indifferent. I cannot. All I dream of is her body against mine, at least once again, but at the same time I know deep down I am not allowed to such a thing any more. And I do not want to yield either, to give her the impression that I am weak myself, because no one will love someone weak.

“But Adora! She wants to blow the planet again!”

Adora sighs.

“The planet will blow anyway if we do nothing!” I reply. “Can’t we at least try?”

I had predicted they would be shocked but I thought Glim-Glim would be in it anyway. She has grown tamed since the we escaped Horde Prime.

The premisses were simple: we could not fight Horde Prime directly. His army was a thousand times too strong. However, he had two weaknesses: first there was no diversity in his ranks. No rebels. No foreigners. They all thought like him, looked like him and if he took a decision, they would all follow him.

His second weakness: he had no clue She-Ra was out of the game, and he had no clue of her real powers. We could give him a sugar pop and tell him it was the Heart of Etheria, he would swallow it.

We could not kill his army, and killing him would only result in another clone stepping forth to take his place. Having them just leaving would not be a solution either. They were stubborn. And they would attack other people too – not that I cared much though.

This is when I thought of the portal. We had disappeared from Horde Prime’s sight in a pocket dimension, as Adora had explained during the first meeting. We were locked in it. What if we reverted the trap and make them disappear in Despondos? Get the universe rid of them once and for all.

Their was two flaws to this plan I was well aware of: first, there was no guarantee they would stay in Despondos once locked in. They could always built their own portal to get out. However, if they could not get in Despondos, there was little chance they would be able to get out. The other issue was to find a way to trick them go through a functioning portal without Etheria following.

And this was the point where the heat started to rise between me and the Queen.

“Entrapta explained it all to me! We can win with this!”

“I refuse to sacrifice anyone again to make this sick plan work!” yelled Glimmer. “Unless of course,” she sneers, “you are ready to be the sacrifice.”

The rough idea I had was to send someone up there with the portal, who would pretend to yield the “Heart of Etheria” to Horde Prime. He would want to try it, and use it; except this Heart would activate a portal to Despondos and throw everyone in the pocket dimension.

The only issue was that the individual who would sell the Portal would be transported as well.

“He already knows I am a liar, and tried to kill me. I am literally the only person who can’t do this.”

“How convenient” Sparkles retorts.

“You are the one who asked for my strategic expertise. I give you my opinion, do what you want with it, _your Majesty_.”

To be fair, my first thought was to send Double Trouble in She-Ra up there; but Adora objected that they did not sound like the type to be self-sacrificed for the cause. I suggested tricking them into going without knowing the real purpose of the mission; and as it is true that I still hold a grudge against them, I would not have done it without remorse, but the rainbow gang had not left me finish that they raised against the idea all at once. Furthermore, Horde Prime had no clue about the real appearance of She-Ra (I gathered from our discussions that he only knew She-Ra was a woman, but the concept of woman was not that easy for him to grasp given his social environment was entirely made with copies of himself). So we could virtually send anyone with enough stuff to look like a legendary warrior and he would swallow. Entrapta would manage the details to blend the tech in the costume, but since we were the good guys, as the horse (yes they have a talking horse) said, we could only send someone who would volunteer. And since we were the good guys, everyone volunteered, thus the fight.

Not everyone volunteered. The people I thought deserved to go, like Shadow Weaver, carefully stepped aside. Entrapta was too precious to rebuild Etheria after the war. Sparkles flat-out refused the participation of the Ice Princess because she was a child; havoc ensued, ending with Frosta leaving the room after slamming the door. And Glim-Glim and I were ruled out because we had already met with Horde Prime. The horse wanted to participate, but I need not to say he was also excluded from the choice.

This left eight candidates: the archer boy called Bow, Flower, Mermaid, King Mycah, the two gay princesses that did embroidery or something like that, Scorpia, and Adora.

The king argued that since he was the oldest, it was only fair that he would be the one to go and pretend to be the She-Ra. The picture I had in mind made me laugh at this idea, which put Glim-Glim in a rage that took all her father’s patience to be contained. Mermaid stepped in and said that we had to send a princess anyway, so this eliminated Bow and Mycah.

She was herself quite determined to be the fake She-Ra which and spoke with much more sense than a lot of others, which owed her my admiration, but she was worried to leave her subjects without her guidance. The same issue raised with Flower Power and the embroiderers; however, it was not deemed as a sufficient issue to rule anyone out. Scorpia was very quiet during most of the discussion, and I knew Adora felt like she was the obvious choice. I swore to myself to keep an eye on her so she could not be the one to go up there. The council ended late in the night, when Entrapta came in to announces she had stabilised the tech so that it should be maintained in a device that was similar to the Grayskull sword, and that she needed approximately another day to achieve the design.

The fact that she finished doing it so quickly raised suspicion, and she admitted she had already been researching the technology since a while “out of mere curiosity” and “with much caution” during her “free time” which was basically her already short nights. This left ground to a final row of swear words by Queen Glimma, and when everybody went to bed, nothing was solved out.


	10. Adora

Before I go to sleep, I decide on a small night walk to breathe a little and get some alone time after all this time spent in a pompous room filled with people; but I accidentally run into Scorpia, who seems to have the exact same project. We walk together in silence for a little, and then stop in the middle of the garden. It is truly a beautiful night, and I am still not used to all the stars. The carefully-groomed bushes smell of flowers and leaves, and a light wind whispers in the faraway trees. She sits down on a bench in the middle of an alley, sighs and holds her head in her pincers-hands.

“So… hem… Scorpia… will you do it?”

I am so terrible at starting conversations.

“I don’t know, wildcat. If no one does, I guess I will, but there is so much I want to see of the world! And so much I want to do!”

I realise it is the first time I actually see her sad, and though her wholesomeness often pissed me right, it is truly heartbreaking.

“And what do you want to do, for example? Asking Entrapta out?”

“How…?”

“Why else would a woman with no hands spend all her time and energy holdings tools for this loony in a lab? I might be a mess, but I am not blind!”

I laugh and she pulls a sad smile.

“I think you guys would make a great couple” I add.

“This I am not sure” Scorp’ answers. “She’s too clever for me. I am a little bit of a dummy, you know.”

“Mrrrrr!” I fowl, “Don’t you ever say that!”

“You are different,” she suddenly says.

“You are the second person today who tells me that,” I reply. “I do not feel different.”

“But you are. You are much… calmer. And nicer. Much, much nicer.”

She is right, I guess. I do not feel the urge to scratch everybody in the face as much as I used to. I am getting old I guess. Or maybe the vegetarian regime I am on since I arrived.

“I met a weird old lady in the woods yesterday night, I guess it may be that.”

She laughs heartily and slaps me in the back so hard I nearly choke. Some things never change.

“You are a genius, wild cat. If I ever go up there and kill this Horde Prime, I will miss you the most!”

She does not believe me, and honestly, neither do I. She keeps on laughing for a little while, and sighs again. Sometimes I wish I had her view on existence. Less questions in my mind, less guilt, being more straighforward.

“Scorpia, I need to tell you something.”

“What is it you have on your complicated mind, wild cat?”

“I…”

It’s harder to say than in my head. I get up and prepare to leave.

“I am sorry I ignored you all this time. You… you deserve better friends.”

I turn back to run away from the huge pull of guilt and shame and her forgiveness I know she will give me and that I do not deserve, when I feel her grab my hand and bring me in her arms. She hugs me for an instant, and for once I do not feel the urge to escape it. She then loosens her grip a little and gives me the smallest and softest kiss on the forehead.

“It’s okay wildcat.” she whispers. “You will always have some room in my heart,” she smiles. “No go found your dear Adora. ‘Cause guess what? I am also not blind.”

* * *

I have never been to Adora’s bedroom and pray I will not have to ask anyone. I wonder what I can say to her. “I love you” sounds dumb after all this time. “I am sorry”? Not enough. “I want to kiss you and hug you and...” all right let’s not get too far.

Fortunately I see her turn around in the corridor as I wander around. I guess she cannot sleep as well. I follow her on the tip of my paws, and let her get inside for a few minutes so she would not see I have been stalking her. Why am I so shy? It feels all different here than in the Fright Zone. Suddenly she got… far. Or maybe it was always this way. Maybe we grew too much away from one another and things will not click the way they used to do. Maybe… Stop thinking.

I take a good look around to see if no one can see me before I knock a worried finger on the wood of the door. This move alone drained all my bravery for the night, so when she opens, I have nothing left to move or talk.

“Oh, it’s you.”

What is that? She seems disappointed.

“Come in,” she adds. “I was about to change for the night.”

I hear her but I cannot react. All I can see is her face, her lips, her eyes, her hands, her body from the tip of the toe to the top of the head all blend together and how unique it is when it comes to life, and her voice, how my heart jumps when I hear her voice, how I live for the answers this voice gives to mine, and I just guess my brain went on holidays at this moment because I hopped to her, closed my eyes and kissed her now, and it felt good, so good I could not stop, and she could not stop either, she just kept kissing me and I thought “so she loves me, she loves me, she wants me” and all the guilt and the pain and the anger, everything was forgotten for a small instant, there was only her and me and our lips in the dark.

Coming back to reality felt like a second ship crashed, because she stopped kissing me and pushed me back.

“Oh.”

She has second thoughts. I guess she thinks it is not reasonable, and she is wretchedly right.

I fall down on my knees. I guess I am weak after all, because words begin to pour out from my mouth as tears pour from my eyes, and everything that gets out is like a stone flying away from my chest.

“Adora I am sorry for everything I did to you. The truth is… I was jealous. I was afraid that if you went with other people, you would see how… how small I am compared to them. And I hated you so hard I wanted to destroy you, to get rid of this part of me that I trusted you with because I felt like you threw is away. Because… you are my only weakness, Adora. And now I see how stupid I was to hurt you when all I want is you. All of you, with your dumb principles and your softies squad. So this is why I got so scared when you met me in the park. I did not want to fall for you another time… Because the truth is, I do not care if we don’t conquer the world together… because you are my world, Adora.”

I am fully crying now after this terrible excuse of an apologise speech, and every second she stays silent is an eternity in my heart. After a minute I dare lift my head only to see that she is weeping too.

“It’s me… it’s me… I am sorry…” she bawls. “I should have seen that you were hurting. I should have known better… protect you more… I don’t know…”

“No! You were right. I made my choices and they were… bad.”

“It does not mean you are bad on the inside.”

Saying so, she strokes my iron limb. Not that I can feel anything but it still touches me. She is the one who comes to kiss me now and hold me in her arms. For the first time ever, I do not only feel happy, but also safe. At peace. I could keep going like this forever, cuddling against her, the taste of her lips in her mouth. Bombs are raining around us, the biggest empire of the universe is ready to swallow us alive, and I am lying in bed kissing Adora. I lived my whole scarred life in a citadel, but we could be in the middle of a battlefield with only the light of the moons to shield us that I would not be better.

* * *

I did not see myself fall asleep. When I wake up, the day is still young but already grown-up. I slowly remember the events of the night while I fidget for my removable arm. I guess I removed it at some point to be more comfortable. I notice someone has plugged Tiffany back on me. I guess it was Adora. She has no idea I am much more independent now.

Adora. She must have woken before me. I sleep much, as cats do, and I must say I had not slept that well for a while. I stretch my tail, my limbs and my back. Maybe she left for an early meeting with Glim-Glim. This one is probably looking for a way to impose her plan – also called “let’s use magic that does not work in space and see what happens” – onto the group. On her impeccable desk though, I find two startling objects. The first one is a small register disk, the same type Entrapta is always chatting at; the second one is my headpiece, repaired, with a golden like where the crack used to be. I put it on, but it just does not feel the same.

I walk out of the room and hang around the corridors but I meet no one. I finally bump into Flower Power in the garden, who bothers to say a frozen “Hi”.

“Hey, have you seen Adora?”

She stares at me in pure horror and all the joy I built in a night bursts in pieces. I guess she notices that I am shattered by her reaction, because her voice becomes much softer and what she has to say is not.

“I’m sorry Catra. She left.”

“What… what do you mean, “She left”?!”

  
It seems everything around me is pulling very, very far and I hear only an echo of her voice uttering the fatal words.

“Adora left this morning with the finished portal and some light weapons she took at Entrapta’s lab. She took Mara's ship and did not tell anyone. She is going to take down Horde Prime.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry.


	11. Hold on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be... an epilogue.

_The first few_ _minutes seem to be a play I see through a glass window, all fuzzy and blunt. The rebels gather in the middle of the castle yard one by one, the news are shared, there are gasps and words of suprise. There is a global anxiety towards the sky but it stays quiet. The bombs have stopped, replaced by the deafening silence of expectation._

_I hear their voices but they do not reach my brain._

“ _I saw her. I tried to catch her back but I was too late,” someone says, probably Flowerina._

“ _Come, come, we can see what is happening on the screen of my telescope” Entrapta calls, and I follow the crowd, uncertain of where I am._

_The telescope shows no movement, and we all wait, suspended to the blinking lights that indicate artificial objects in our orbital space. I suddenly realise I am still holding the second thing I collected on her desk. I show it silently to Glimmer who whispers:_

“ _What is that?”_

“ _I don’t… know. It was on her desk this morning.”_

“ _Then let’s play it”_

_I m_ _echanically give the record to a hand stretched in my direction that puts it in the robot called Emily_ _. Her voice wakes me up and it hurts fully when after a second I realise it is just that: her ghost._

“ _\- This is so strange talking to a recorder, I wonder how Entrapta does it… So… let’s start… hmm… dear everyone._

_The thing is… I do not know where to start. My whole life, I did what I thought was right, hoping that it would keep me and the people I love safe from harm, but I failed. I have been helpless or mistaken so many times._

_I was trusted into protecting Etheria and I was failing because I dared having doubts. But as someone very important to me told me recently, if there is something that can be done to save us then I have to at least try. So… I will do it. I will go to Horde Prime and give him the fake Heart of Etheria. I do not know how I will do it… but I have to try.”_

She pauses for an instant and breathes several times in the microphone.

“ _I am scared, everyone. So, so scared… But all I know is that I have to do it. I cannot let anyone die at my place.”_

Another long pause. I can almost hear her cry a little on the over side.

“ _There is little chance that I will come back,”_ she adds. _“So_ _I ask to all of you… stay together, and keep on going. You are the best thing that ever happened in my life, each and every one of you. My only hope is that I will stay_ _somewhere in every heart of my Best Friend Squad.”_

I hear Heart twink laugh between sobs. It sounds weird and right at the same time. 

“ _So all of you, please, have a good live and thank you for the faith you had in our fight. Bow, please, keep shooting and crafting and loving everyone._

_Mermista, I know you love Sea-Hawk, so stop being ashamed of him and make him the prince of Salineas, I know you wish for it deep down._

_Perfuma, you are a great princess, take care of your people the way you took care of us all._

_Frosta, stay strong and stay brave. You have already achieved so much at such a young age. Do not let anyone put you down._

_Glimmer, you are my best friend in spite of all what we disagreed about. You will be the greatest Queen._

_Entrapta, I am sorry I stole your material. You are the greatest mind I have ever had the honour to meet. I hope your lights will illuminate Etheria for a long time, because they will need you._

_Scorpia… I had little chance to know you and to fight with you, but you have a big heart and you do give great hugs, and you stayed faithful to someone I deeply care about for a very long time, so I am counting on you to keep being an amazing woman._

_And Catra…”_

I can hear another cry, longer this time, and her voice shakes more and more.

“ _I… I am sorry things were the way they are. I just want everyone to know that I love you and I forgive you with all my heart. I hope one day the world will see you the way I do now. You are the strongest person I know, so please do not let the bad things take over yourself. You deserve so much better than that._

_You are my world too, little cat._

_Goodbye.”_

The recording ends with a clicker sound. There is a long silence, maybe one minute, maybe several hours, and no one dares to blink or to move. We are all looking for the same thing on the screen.

Then it happens. The lights suddenly turn off, without previous warning, and we all run towards the window to see a bright star in the daily sky blow up in a small and pale ring that grows larger then small and then disappears completely as if it had never existed at all.

And this is it. Nothing comes out of the explosion, no bomb falls down in retaliation, no corpses to mourn on. Just a group of badly-assorted people and a plain blue sky.

If only I did not prompt her to go back and fight. If only I did not come up with this stupid idea that needed someone to be sacrificed. If only I had woken up a little early and convinced her not to go. Or to let me go with her.

I want her back. I need her. She cannot leave me like that! All the things I would do just to have her back, even for a minute, even if I have to die. She lefts a hole in my chest no prothesis will ever repair, and it is calling for her like the emptiness when standing on top of a cliff. My need for her is bigger than this whole planet and I just want to die.

* * *

Maybe my story stopped here. Maybe the rest would be a dream of my sick mind full of raw desire for Adora.

The earth starts to quake. I hear a princess scream. Entrapta quickly clicks on all her monitors to see where it comes from.

“It’s the Heart of Etheria!” she yells. “It was probably disturbed by the rip in space and time and it tipped the fragile balance of energies in its core! It’s going to explode! We are all going to die!”

“Let’s evacuate the building. Now!” Glimmer orders.

She has not said so that another quake makes a bunch of metal scraps fall from a cupboard on the head of someone. Chaos ensues as everyone promptly get out.

We come back on the castle ground, joined by every person who was not at the council or who stayed ignorant of everything that happened since yesterday’s night: guards, servants. I see some faces I know, some that surprises me and some I had never seen in my life. I spot my three companions of the Horde, Lony, Rogelio and Kyle, huddled together but too far for me to ask them how did they possibly ended up here.

Suddenly, the shaking stops, but the relief is cut short as the Moon Stone begins to glow of an unseen light, and worst of all, rise in the sky.

“What the… how?”

I do not know who said that but I agree with their word. The sky is growing cloudy and I can hear thunder strikes. I spot Entrapta in the crowd. She is on Scorpia’s shoulder, who is taller than most people so I can see them from afar. They must have come out after me, because they both look sketchy and bruised.

I push stunned people around to make my way towards them.

“Guys! Are you all right? What is happening? Trapt’, you have any idea?”

“It’s like the other time all again! The other Crystals must be activated as well. But why?”

It is not entirely clear if she is freaking out or having the time of her life. I look for a place to climb above all this and see the state of our surroundings, but there is nothing around, except the Castle. Before anything else happens, I take off and run towards it.

“Wait, Catra!” I hear Bow shout. “The building is weakened by the quake! It could fall down under your feet! It is not safe! Come back!”

I ignore him completely and start to climb. Tower after tower, column after column, I rise above the crowd on the top of a white pyramidal structure. I have not felt so good for a long time. Every step is the discovery of a little bit more of landscape under my eyes. The storm is wreaking havoc on every side around Bright Moon, as the Moon Stone continues rising until it disappears behind the clouds.

I could just end it here. Jump. Die before it becomes to much to bear. The timing is perfect: there is en end-of-the-world vibe to carry my death, an audience to witness me as I fly.

But then I turn back and I see that I am not alone. All, they all surround me, the entire Adora team, every person she has ever met, who have ever believed in her, and I am in the centre of that team. They are much more people than I expected, all huddled on several steps between the ground and me, wherever they found a space to climb as close as they could to me.

“Listen, Catra” Glimmer shouts above the howling wind. “I know you are sad. We all are. But please come down.”

“NO!”

“We all loved her.” Bow adds. “She’s gone. You need to let go.”

No. I never let go, as Madam Razz once told me; and I am no princess but the whole in my heart will be the Runestone from which I will dig my power.

Glimmer grabs my ankle. I can see she is crying and also shining of a dim pink aura. They all do, each and everyone of them of a different light, whether princess or not, magical beings or simple organic flesh, from Queen Glimmer to the simplest man. And each of them rise a hand, or a pincer, or a tentacle, just to reach another one, and soon, we are all touching each other and we all grieve together for my Adora.

All their buzzing lights slowly rises toward me. I feel like all magic in the world is flowing through me, and I hear the voice.

But it is not Adora, or anyone I know. It is the She-Ra, all the She-Ra since the beginning of times. The wind becomes stronger.

“ _Cat-Ra_ _”_ says the soft etherial voice.

It has no origin and feels like a dream. The world spins around at top speed and I can feel myself be this small dot on the surface of an entire planet all thinking like the biggest brain in the universe.

Thunder opens clouds as if it were all a cosmic play, and I see another small dot falling from behind the sky, and everything is just too big to handle. The wind tries to push me away.

“ _Hold on.”_

The whole planet seems to have grown mad. Hold on what, I have no clue. All I know is the inexplicable feeling that if I ever let go, the whole world will die. So as all the magic of Etheria comes through me, I hold on.

“ _You are the bond, Cat-Ra”_ says the voice. _“If you let go, she will be lost forever.”_

And as it grows closer and bigger I get better sight of the small dot. I look at it as my eyes become pure light. It’s Adora, not She-Ra, the Adora I have always known, glowing faintly and falling fast through the sky.

I reach my hand to her, and she begins to slow down. It becomes harder and harder to hold the tide, as if all my insides were pulled out, and she keeps slowing down. With my last strengths I reach my arms to her. She looks incredibly small for the child of the cosmic battle between me and the sky. The flow of magic leaves me at a calm and progressive pace, as she lands in my arms like a baby or a flower, and all I can think to say is:

“Hey, Adora.”

She opens her eyes for an instant, and smiles.

“Hey, Catra.”

And as the final blast cracks the sky open and rain starts to pour like it has never did in my life, I know deep down that whatever happens, from now on there will be no harm.


	12. Epilogue: Your Highness

“So you don’t have any clue of what happened up there afterwards, do you?”

“For the hundredth time, no. Only wild guesses,” she answers.

A few days after magic ground zero, there was still questions that needed answers, and the hours spent to ask her did not suffice.

Surprisingly enough, she carried out the plan more or less as expected once at Horde Prime’s. Dumb as he was, Lord Perfect swallowed the whole blabber about the Heart of Etheria and so on, and he was hyped into trying it when the whole thing went loose.

“All I remember is a cranky clone with a green mush all over his face running to the fake sword and screaming. The sword was programmed to be activated when someone grabs the handle, so it should have been very quick, but they are fighting and I stand here confused and everybody around us is too paralysed to do something. The man who attacked then looks at me, and I recognised him. He then leaves Horde Prime for a second, and reaches for the sword… and the next thing I see is your face looking at me with the most adorable smile I have ever seen.”

“It was Hordak. The man,” I reply, “It was Hordak. He saw through his brainwashing and went crazy.”

“Your theory. We may never know.”

The last days after the events had been very confusing. Scans of the surrounding space by Entrapta revealed that Horde Prime had indeed disappeared, but as Despondos was another dimension we had no longer access to, it was impossible to know if they were in the pocket dimension or somewhere else entirely. The crystals had fallen back on Etheria, and there seem to be no response from them since. Everyone was set at the methods of sorcerers when it came to magic, and the only one who had a knack at it was Queen Glim-Glim, who reluctantly paid an apologise to me after she saw I was indeed an expert strategist.

Horde Prime had left quite a mess on Etheria, and there were a lot to be rebuilt from the bombings. Former soldiers from the Fright Zone had proven efficient in the use of technologies from the Horde to help repairing, but some of them went rogue and were still lurking in small groups in low-populated areas such as the Crimson waste or the Poles, causing all the more damage that they were heavily armed.

Scorpia has had only recently managed to assert a stable leadership on the whole region, and her crowning is due tomorrow, but I am still worried.

“What if they find a way to come back? We are far from ready to face them a second time! And without magic, to top it all!”

“It will be fiiiiiiine” Adora answers, tired of my questions. “Stop being so scared, it does not suit you. And since when to you care about magic so much?”

“Since it pulled you from the Portal and saved you?” I reply.

She looks at me with a ludicrous smile, and kisses me on the cheek.

“Magic did not pull me out of the Portal. You did. I still don’t understand how you did it, the lot of you, but you did.”

She looks cute when she is so tired she becomes a little dumb. It is my turn to kiss her, but on the mouth.

“Let’s sleep now. Tomorrow we need all our energy, _your Highness_ ” she whispers teasingly at me.

“-I’m not… Hey! I’m not a princess!”

“I know. Stop yelling it, you will wake up all of Spinifer.”

We indeed stay in the newly reconquered city of Spinifer, in the Scorpion’s desert, now the capital of the reformed kingdom held by Scorpia and basis from all pacifying expeditions to the Fright Zone. In theory, she is supposed to rule over the entire ex-Horde’s territory, but in fact, the only places that we stabilised unti now are the region of Spinifer, the Brightmoon border and the central headquarters. Most of the remote regions are still full of rogue soldiers, and Beast Island is out of the question right now. I know it perfectly since Adora and I are on the first line of the fight.

But I need to go to sleep, because tomorrow’s is the Coronation and I would not miss that for the world.

* * *

“Don’t you think this is too much?”

My best friend has called me on dress support, and who am I to refuse? And for sure her sense of fashion has improved since the last time I had to do that. Princess Prom. It sounds like an eternity happened between then and now.

She looks stunning. A queen for sure, if I was to believe in such thing as royalty. All red with a hint of black at the details, the royal gown seems cut to make her broad figure look impressive and powerful. She holds the traditional Scorpion Sceptre in her right pincer and has brushed back her longer blond mane.

“You are a queen” I retort. “Nothing is too much.”

I wear my usual suit, that has been adjusted to my new flatter chest. I have cut the sleeve to let my iron arm out.

I fought too hard, I deserve to be proud of what I am.

“By the way,” as Scorpia changes the subject, “You’ve cut your hair again, didn’t you?”

“Maybe” I answer, quite abashed, “Why?”

“Nothing. It looks good.”

She smiles and adds nothing, it feels awkward. I turn away from her as I finish to get ready myself. I struggle to attach my black bowtie. I want do do things right this time.

“I can’t knot this correctly” I say after the fifth of sixth attempt. “I am going to ask Adora otherwise I might just get angry”

I leave her and go back to the room I share with my own princess. She is gorgeous herself, all in white, like an angel. Her dress is cut above the knee and has no sleeves to reveal her muscles and her strength, underlined by arm and leg adjusted gold force bracelets. To top it all, golden ribbons have been tied in her usual ponytail and when she moves, they underline the movement of her magnificent blond hair.

“Ado-Ra, honorary ruler of the united kingdoms, protector of Etheria, princess of all unclaimed lands…”

“Oh please, shut up!” she answers with a smile while finishing her make-up, sitting at her improvised vanity desk.

“… would you do me the favour of tying this nightmare of a bowtie?”

She laughs. I bend a little to kiss her on the corner of the lips while she does so.

“Of course I will.” she replies while fidgeting with the small piece of black straightened cloth. It is a matter of seconds before her fairy fingers did a miracle and fixed my outfit. “Done.”

She has been so happy in the last few days. I do not want to bother her with my uncertainties, but now that everything else had become so much easier, I was preoccupied by some things I could not put my finger on.

“Is there something you want to tell me?” she says after I stayed right where she knotted me without apparent reason.

“I am afraid not to blend in,” I answer brutally. “I am no princess.”

“I know, you insist on that to the point it becomes a little annoying” she replies, “But I love you the way you are, and I am sure the others will too once we settle the steam down a little.”

It is her turn to kiss me on the cheek. I see in the mirror that it has left a small print of her pink-painted lips. I raise my hand to wipe it off, but decided to keep it, as war paint.

“Everything will be fine” she ends.

I hope so, because I may feel more nervous than Scorpia herself about this coronation.

* * *

Her Majesty of Sparkles opens the ceremony, and I prepare to fight all my strength not to yawn. I see Entrapta behind them smiling peacefully, and after a few words I see my favourite scientist starts dozing. She is wearing her usual outfit, because I guess she forgot why she was here.

Someone else than the queen clearly wrote the speech, because after a few minutes, Glim-Glim sighs, fiddles through her sheets and decides to drop them to cut directly to the matter at hands.

“… In other words, we are gathered here to celebrate the access of a rightful princess to her long-stolen throne. No one maybe has shown more qualities to be queen than her. Let me introduces you: Queen Scorpia of Spiniferia!”

The crowd cheers so loud I need to fold my sensitive cat’s ears. Much to my surprise, it is made of a very diverse mix: the princesses are mingled with some former Horde soldiers, civilian war refugees, some thugs from the Crimson Waste who converted into Spinifer’s guards.

But yet I guess it is only that the coronation reflects who the queen is.

She salutes the crowd in her wholesome way, and I genuinely feel happy for her. She deserves so much of it.

“Thank you” she simply says. “There has never been a crown to Spinifer, because the monarchs of the Scorpio’s kingdom thought that the love of their subjects was a crown enough to justify their rule. And I think it is time people get in charge because they are loved and not because they are feared.”

She pauses a little, as there is another round of rough cheers. My, she is indeed good at this!

“Now as you might know, tradition is that on the day of their coronation, the kings and queens of Scorpio’s kingdom make their first three decisions, and they shall not be subject to questioning. And I know that because…” she slightly hesitates, “my own father made his decisions to give our land to Hordak with the same rule”.

Silence drops and I hear a few people gasp in the audience.

“And my only vow” she continues, “is to undo this shameful legacy with my own three.”

Tension rises. What will be the queen’s three blessed wishes?

“On the day of his own coronation,” she starts, “my father declared to yield his kingdom to the Horde led my Lord Hordak. For my coronation, I declare that the Horde has brought war and death to our lands, and I ask for everyone of you to keep fighting to restore peace.

By this decision, my father has cut ties with all the other princesses of Etheria, and I have grown up alone, thinking I would never fit in. To conjure this deed, I wish to announce that Scorpio’s kingdom has signed a permanent union with the kingdom of Dryl, which is now part of our union.”

“This is brilliant!” Entrapta screams.

“Wait” I say, “Shouldn’t you be already aware of this? I mean it is your…”

“A bunch of revolutionaries took power recently!” she answers, “and they formed a government elected by the entire population of Dryl! They said they would not bother me and left me the CryptoCaste for experiments, but it is far funnier to observe them! They are the best social experiment I have ever seen!”

“… Never mind.”

I hear Adora laugh heartily behind me, and it fills my heart with warmth until it draws me a tear.

“And my last decision...” she sighs “My father’s choice has put me under the orders of a tyrant my whole life until I was set free. I was belittled by it and lead to believe that I was not strong enough to be a princess, not worth it, until I met someone who told me I deserved to be part of them as much as anyone else. For the royalty I never had the chance to be, I want to use my power as a queen to raise this person to it, because they deserve it.”

And, much to my surprise, she looks at _me_.

“Catra, would you please come to me and bend down for the ceremony?”

I swear on the moons I have never felt so shocked. Trembling and stuttering, I still do as she says and kneel. I can feel everyone’s eyes on me, and wish they are far enough not to see how much I am blushing. I know what she will do, and I do not want to be a princess, never.

I am wearing a suit, Scorpia! I guessed the message was clear!

It seems she would know it, however, and this idea makes me trust that she knows what she is doing. She raises her sceptre and touches both my shoulders one after the other.

I close my eyes.

“On the shadow of the moons and the First Ones’ spirit, I name thee Lord of the Unconquered Regions, to pacify and rule every part of my kingdom that you will see fit, with Princess Adora or by yourself alone.”

This I can work with. More fight... Oh, I love it. 

It is the last part I was not ready for. I quickly glance at Adora, and guess what? She _blinks_ at me, as Scorpia utters her final words:

“Now rise, Prince Catra, and leave with my eternal blessing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter.   
> Please feel free to comment!


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